Through all my training — which, to be honest, wasn’t as much as I thought it would be — and dealing with a variety of social workers, case workers and “the system” over the past year, I’m starting to question whether the things I assumed would be the number one priority actually are when priorities start to collide.
And I want to be really clear before I go any further.
These are my stories, my opinions and my experiences. I’m not painting the entire organisation with this brush, and I’m certainly not suggesting that every person working for Oranga Tamariki thinks or operates this way.
But I’ve experienced enough over the past year to start asking some uncomfortable questions.
One of those questions is around culture.
For context, my foster son’s ethnicity is different from mine. That’s not exactly a secret, and it’s something I’ve been reminded of many times throughout my time as a caregiver.
Including, and I quote:
“You being white has posed problems.”
Now, before anyone jumps down my throat, I actually agree that cultural identity is important. It is important.
A child’s culture, whakapapa, identity and connections to their family and community matter. They should matter. There was a time when those things weren’t given the consideration they deserved when children were being placed with caregivers, and I don’t think going backwards is the answer.
But here’s where I struggle.
When does an important consideration become the consideration?
Because surely there has to be a point where we look at the whole picture.
- Does this particular caregiver provide a safe home?
- Are they stable?
- Are they committed?
- Can they meet this child’s needs?
- Can they provide warmth, love, consistency and security?
- Can they help this child maintain meaningful connections with their culture, whakapapa and whānau?
And perhaps most importantly:
Is this child safe, happy and thriving where they are?
Because I don’t believe that being a different ethnicity automatically makes someone incapable of providing those things.
Can a white guy provide warmth, love, safety and security to a child who isn’t white?
Of course he can.
But that doesn’t mean culture should be ignored. Quite the opposite.
It means perhaps we need to stop treating these things as mutually exclusive.
A child shouldn’t have to choose between cultural connection and a safe, stable, loving home.
And a caregiver shouldn’t have to choose between providing that home and somehow proving that they are “enough” culturally.
The two things should be able to exist together.